Zombie Survival Guide
1: Preparing Your Home for Defense
Because the zombie
invasion will be unannounced and unexpected, you will probably be at home when it begins. For this very reason, you must begin
to prepare your home now so that, when the time comes, you will not be caught unprepared.
The key to planning
an effective home defense lies in an analysis of Night of the Living Dead. Consider
this quick run-through of some of the basics:
Boarded up windows do
not work for the most part.
In the film, the survivors
are few, but the entry points to the house they’re trapped in are numerous. Between the few of them, they try to board
up the doors and windows, but in doing so, they over-extend themselves and their precious resources.
The basement, contrary
to what Ben (the main character) says, ends up being the safest place. If for no other reason, the basement was the safest
place in the house (in the original film) because there was only one way in or out. Instead of trying to cover over 20 doors
and windows, the survivors could have just focused their entire defensive effort on a single door, and barricaded it in such
a way that would have kept the zombies out for good.
In the 1991 remake of
Night of the Living Dead, the basement again ends up being impenetrable. But this
time, the house had an attic with a pull-up staircase. Meaning that, had the survivors
simply climbed up there, they would have been completely out of danger from the
Taking all these things into
considerations, we can hypothesize the following:
The high ground is critical!
Since most zombies cannot climb ladders well, let alone trees or any other thing that may give them some access to an above-ground
level of a house, as little as a second-story house is all the defense you’ll ever need. Even in the absence of an attic,
a second-story allows you to create an impenetrable defensive barrier on the staircase. Since zombies are clumsy in moving,
especially climbing stairs, they can be easily bottlenecked and neutralized on a well-barricaded staircase.
Defense points must be
minimized! The survivors in Night made the mistake of stretching themselves out
by trying to cover up all the windows. When the zombies started pouring in, there were too few people to go around covering
the holes. This is a classic defensive mistake. You must keep your resources and
manpower focused on only a few defensive spots, preferably just one. That way, you can focus more on making that one or those
few defensive positions as strong as they can be. In Night, the survivors were
so busy boarding up so many windows, they did so sloppily and without making the barriers strong enough. Had they concentrated,
instead, on barricading the supposedly vulnerable basement door, they would have survived.
Speaking of boarding,
if you need to board something up, board it up good! A few nails sloppily hammered in will hold a zombie, maybe, but not a
horde of them. Be generous with the nails. Use enough of them so that they really
hold a barricade in place. Remember the adage about the bundle of twigs holding together? Nails work on similar principals.
Now that you know
these basic defense elements, it’s time to put them into practice. Since the zombie invasion can start at any moment, starting immediately will only help.
Tip 1: Get a two-story
house now. Or if you live in an apartment complex, get yourself an apartment on a higher level. Ground levels are too vulnerable,
because you’ll have windows to deal with. Since a good percentage of people live in one-story buildings, consider building
a second-level that will serve as your defensive high ground. Once you’ve purchased or moved into a two-story house
or a higher-level apartment, begin preparations. Set up obstacles on the staircase, such as slabs of wood nailed perpendicular
to the steps. Create a defensive fort of sorts on the second level immediately next to the staircase. From here, you can pick
off zombies trying to climb up your barricaded staircase. As a measure of last resort, you can place C4 charges along the
staircase, so that, in the event your defenses do not hold and the zombies are coming up, you can blow the staircase up and
isolate yourself from the hungry hordes below.
Begin creating defense lines inside your home that will minimize your defensive positions. That is, begin surveying your current
home and see where you can retreat to and set up a single or a few defense positions. If you follow Tip 1, your only real
defensive position should be the second floor. But for those of you who, for some dumb reason, do not go out and buy a two-story house, you’ll need to see what you can do to minimize your entry points.
Centering a defense around a cluster of one or two rooms will help. Drywalling off parts of your home to minimize the number
of vulnerable windows will help. Moving heavy furniture into position to block off doors will help. Just make sure that, when
the zombies come, you are focusing your defensive efforts on a small space ahead of you, not all around you.
Tip 3: While taking hammering
lessons so that you can effectively hammer nails quickly and efficiently will help, it’s more important to prepare ahead
of time. And by starting now, you can really create truly impenetrable defenses
around your windows. So go out, get a bunch of lumber, and start nailing your windows. Starting now will allow you to board
up your windows from the outside, which may actually prove too much of a defense
for zombies, since their usually dumb nature will keep most from pulling at the nailed lumber, or they’ll simply not
be able to if you nailed it on really good. Consider this your first line of defense. Now, boarding up your windows from the
inside gives you a secondary line of defense. Meaning that even if the zombies
tear down the boards on the outside, they’ll still need to break through the ones inside. By using lots of nails and
evenly spreading them out along the edges no more than an inch away from one another, you’ll create a very strong defensive
barrier. Doing all this now will eliminate the danger of sloppy jobs and badly-nailed boards. So what if the neighbors look
at you funny as you board up your windows? When the invasion begins, they’ll be rushing to board their windows and doors up, and will be madly fending off hungry zombies. Meanwhile, you’ll be sitting in
your well-defended fortress enjoying a drink and a final Anime episode before the power goes off for good.
with how well you prepare your place of survival. Remember these tips and get to
work right away. In the upcoming lessons, we’ll discuss the types of zombies you’ll be likely to see, how to fight
off zombies of different classes, and what kind of food and goods you should be storing now to prepare for the coming collapse